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A few days ago I got a unique chance to visit the LiTeR (Liquid Technology Research) group at the University of Hikkasinkku. This is a brief report about my visit. I hope it is going to give you something to laugh about, if not exactly anything that would count as useful.
In this chapter, I will briefly tell about the group, its current research and its members.
LiTeR is the only research group in Northern Europe that is only concerned in liquidities. This gives the staff an excellent chance to research whatever they want. Since the group was founded in 2000, their main interest has been experimental research. I bet there is no kind of liquor they would not have tested by now.
In LiTeR group, there are four people working at the moment. Here is a table about their group status and contact information.
Table 1. Group staff
| Name | Status | Room | Phone | Fax |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Koskenkorva, Karhu | Professor | 101 | 1001 | 1011 |
| Lageri, Carlsberg | Professor | 102 | 1002 | |
| Winecork, Grapevine | Lecturer | 103 | 1003 | |
| Viinio, Martini | Lecturer | 104 | 1004 |
In the next section, I will tell a little more about professors Koskenkorva and Carlsberg.
This section is based on my notes about discussions with the two professors, Koskenkorva and Carlsberg. Since this was to be a short report, I will not include any comments from the two lecturers this time. Next time, perhaps?
Q: Professor Koskenkorva, what was the original idea that led to the foundation of LiTeR group?
A: Well, for about three years ago we just happened to notice that there were no institution to support this branch - which is growing more and more important since the WWW, or World Wine Web, can nowadays be reached by everyone. So, we decided that there just has to be one in Hikkasinkku.
Q: But aren't there hundreds of people around all the time who want to join your group? There are rumours about your extraordinary benefits according to the generous support from the liquid companies...
A: Of course there are. You know, nearly hundred per cent of sixteen-year-old Finns tell they are extremely interested in liquidities - I strongly recommend reading our latest article for more information. But, unluckily, it is not possible for us to employ them all.
Q: How many of them have you employed during these three years?
A: None.
Q: Professor Carlsberg, you are one of the two Professors of Liquidation Studies in the whole world. Doesn't that mean a great responsibility as far as people's knowledge about the branch is concerned?
A: Of course it does. At the moment I am actually preparing a book which shall be the long-hoped introduction to Liquidation Studies. It is mainly written to be used as a basic coursebook in universities, but it can be used to self-studying as well - there will be a whole lot of exercises in it concerning all kinds of liquors. After doing them all, nothing should be clear any more.
Q: Fine. Erm... would you need any test persons for testing the hypotheses?
A: I'm afraid we do all the testing by ourselves these days. When writing our previous article about liquid-afflected discussions, we noticed that it is much easier without so many people expressing their opinions. The article mainly consists of over three hundred pages of empirical data. But are you familiar with DocBook? That would be of much help.
Q: Well... I am only practising. Maybe a little later. After fifteen years or so, perhaps.
A: OK, please contact us then. But preferably not before lunch. For our own convenience - and also for that of our neighbours -- we have decided never to begin before lunch. Besides, it is not recommended by AA.
Thinking about it afterwards, my visit to LiTeR probably was extremely educational and interesting. At least I hope so, because actually I don't remember very much about it. Anyway, I shall continue working with them somehow. I think DocBook is something they asked me to learn properly...
If you're still interested, the homepages of the group members can easily be found in the Advanced Table (not included here because of the need of an external link).